Relationships require effort and mutual love and respect to be successful. Toxic relationships, while damaging and unsatisfying, can be nearly as difficult to walk away from as they are to be involved in. It makes sense that if your are feeling worthless that the impetus to resist your partner's criticism and controlling behavior would be hard to rally. It is to be expected that you will have moments of doubt about your decision. Here are 4 strategies to move through those doubts and come to greater peace about your choice to leave your toxic relationship.
1. Accept the good times. This is a part of the whole picture, but recall also that you left for a reason. Make a list of all the positives and negatives in your relationship. Post it where you can see it regularly, so that every time you want to call or attempt reconciliation with your ex, you are reminded why you decided to leave in the first place. As bad as things got, there were good things too, or you would not have stayed as long as you did - however ultimately preserving yourself may have been the best choice.
2. Spend a great deal of time with support network - friends, family, even a counselor. This will help you fill some of the time that is now vacant since you no longer spend it with your ex. People who love and care about you will also help to reinforce your decision, especially if they saw your mistreatment by your partner. This is an important recovery opportunity to reconnect with relationships you may have put aside while being consumed with hanging on to the toxic relationship.
3. Remember that it is important that you do the work on you before jumping in headfirst with someone else. Before dating again, do some work on yourself to determine if there are some underlying issues you need to work on. It might be valuable to work with a counselor to figure out if there is a reason you were attracted to and stayed in this relationship despite its unhealthy dynamic. Once you feel you have a thorough understanding of your status in the relationship, start meeting people and enjoying the process of getting to know people, if you are ready.
4. If you do backslide and go back to your toxic partner, or reconnect with your ex, don't be too hard on yourself for the impulse. Sometimes leaving is a process that takes several attempts -the most important thing is that you seek to take care of yourself and honor your own emotional state throughout.
About Author
Shannon Cook became inspired to coach and mentor women in relationships, particularly psychologically abusive relationships, after her own personal journey through the process. Using her own experiences, as well as the input of several professional sources as her guide, she navigated her own abusive relationship to a successful outcome. Now, she educates, guides, and coaches other women to achieve optimal physical and emotional health through a holistic approach, with particular focus on the challenging emotional and practical steps of leaving an emotionally abusive spouse.
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